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THE GOSPEL OF SELF-ESTEEM 
By Martin and Deidre Bobgan

[The following consists of further extracts from the book by Martin and 
Deidre Bobgan--Prophets of Psychoheresy II, available from Eastgate 
Publishers, 4137 Primavera Road, Santa Barbara, Calif. 93110. This 310-page 
book critiques the teaching of James Dobson. All notes and references have 
been omitted from this article; for these we refer our readers to the 
book.]

The concept of self-esteem dominates Dobson's work. It began in his first 
book, came to full bloom in his second book, and serves as a major 
presupposition throughout the rest of his writing and speaking. In Dare to 
Discipline he says:

"Self-esteem is the most fragile attribute in human nature; it can be 
damaged by a very minor incident and its reconstruction is often difficult 
to engineer."

The major theme and purpose of Dobson's book Hide or Seek: How to Build 
Self-esteem in Your Child is increasing self-esteem. He says:

"It has been my purpose to formulate a well-defined philosophy--an approach 
to child-rearing--which will contribute to self-esteem from infancy 
onward."

One of his primary objectives for What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about 
Women is to "point the pathway toward greater self-esteem and acceptance."

For Dobson, self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance and their related 
self-words are crucial, not only for the individual but for society as 
well. He contends that "low self-esteem is a threat to the entire human 
family, affecting children, adolescents, the elderly, all socioeconomic 
levels of society, and each race and ethnic culture."

As with most promoters of self-esteem, Dobson equates low self-esteem with 
feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-doubt, and an inadequate sense of 
personal worth. He continues his litany of woe for a society which does not 
do all it can to increase personal worth and self-esteem. He says:

"The matter of personal worth is not only the concern of those who lack it. 
In a real sense, the health of an entire society depends on the ease with 
which its individual members can gain personal acceptance.

"Thus, whenever the keys to self-esteem are seemingly out of reach for a 
large percentage of the people, as in twentieth-century America, then wide 
spread `mental illness,' neuroticism, hatred, alcoholism, drug abuse, 
violence, and social disorder will certainly occur ... Personal worth is 
not something human beings are free to take or leave. We must have it, and 
when it is unattainable, everybody suffers."

He contends that social problems are the direct result of people 
unsuccessfully trying to deal with inferiority, or feelings of self-doubt. 
He was even named a law after himself. "Dobson's Law" says: "When the 
incidence of self- doubt is greatest, accompanied by the unavailability of 
acceptable solutions, then the probability of irresistible social disorder 
is maximized."

He further declares, "Inferiority even motivates wars and international 
politics." In fact, he attributes the attempted genocide of the Jews in 
Germany to an inferiority complex.

Things get reversed when discussing inferiority. Suddenly, the most 
egotistical people are excused with a diagnosis of inferiority. It begins 
to sound like Isaiah's prophecy--"Woe unto them that call evil good, and 
good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put 
bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter" (Isa. 5:20).

Not only that, Dobson declares that inferiority feelings are "the major 
force behind the rampaging incidence of rape today." Thus low self-esteem 
is viewed as the cause of all kinds of problems, and high self-esteem is 
considered to be an absolute necessity for survival.

The self-esteem movement began back in the third chapter of Genesis. Adam 
and Eve answered the Lord with the first example of self- justification. 
First, Adam blamed Eve and God, and then Eve blamed the serpent. The fruit 
of the knowledge of good and evil spawned the sinful self, with all its 
self-love, self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-justification, self-
righteousness, self- actualization, self-denigration, self-pity, and other 
forms of self-focus and self-centeredness.

To psychologists such as Dr. Dobson, the self is both the center and 
evaluator of experience, and its needs must be met. Lest this sound selfish 
and self-centered, the proponents of the self assure us that only through 
meeting the needs of the self can people become socially aware and 
responsive.

The logic follows this pattern: only when a person loves himself can he 
love others; only when a person accepts himself can he accept others; and 
only when his needs are met can he meet the needs of others. This logic is 
the underlying justification for most of what goes on in humanistic 
psychology, and it spills over into almost every other issue of life.

The Lord Jesus Christ does not command self-love, but rather love for God 
and love for one another. Rather than promoting self-love as the basis for 
loving others, the Bible says that God's love is the true source, and God's 
love is self-giving. Therefore, when Jesus calls His disciples to deny self 
and to take up His yoke and His cross, He is calling them to a self-giving 
love, not a self-satisfying love. 

ONCE CALLED SINFUL

Until the advent of humanistic psychology and its heavy influence in the 
church, Christians generally thought of self-esteem as a sinful attitude. 
In the seventeenth century Stephen Charnock wrote: "Self-esteem, self-
dependence, self-willedness, is denying affection and subjection to God." 
A.W. Pink quoted Charnock when he wrote:

"Well has it been said, `To dispossess a man, then, of his self-esteem and 
self-sufficiency, to make room for God in the heart where there was none 
but for sin, as dear to him as himself, to hurl down pride of nature, to 
make stout imaginations stoop to the cross, to make designs of self-
advancement sink under a zeal for the glory of God and an overruling design 
for His honor, is not to be ascribed to any but to an outstretched arm 
wielding the sword of the Spirit'."

Also in the seventeenth century, Richard Baxter identified self-esteem with 
pride and conceit. And in the nineteenth century, C.H. Spurgeon described 
the poor in spirit (of the beatitudes) as having "an absence of self-
esteem."

Dobson objects to such "worm" theology as sinking down before God in a 
humility that confesses its nothingness, for he confuses recognizing one's 
own depravity with self-hatred and personal disgust. He says:

"Nowhere do I find a commandment that I am to hate myself and live in shame 
and personal disgust. Unfortunately, I know many Christians who are crushed 
with feelings of inferiority. Some have been taught this concept of 
worthlessness by their church."

While groveling about in one's own worthlessness can be just as self-
centered as parading about in pride, focusing on personal worthiness and 
self-esteem is not the way out.

Lest anyone suppose that a Christian who comes face to face with the 
reality of his own depravity is left wallowing in the mud of his own 
selfhood, we must recall the context of a proper low view of self. Jim Owen 
gives us a glimpse of a biblical experience of self and God:

"There are moments in every true believer's life, I believe, when they are 
so overwhelmed by a sense of their own sinfulness and vileness before the 
fearful and unfathomable holiness of God, so stunned by it, that it puts 
them on their hands and knees in unutterable shame and repentance."

"But it doesn't stop there. For then there follows such an overwhelming 
realization of the depth and breadth and height of God's mercy and grace 
given to us in Christ Jesus, that they just stay there, on the floor, 
adoring and praising and thanking Him in all humility and unfeigned 
gratitude."

Have Christians lost sight of the grandeur of God's mercy and love? Have 
Christians forgotten what the Cross is all about? Is that why the church is  
so infatuated with self-esteem and self-love?

Dobson does not stand alone. He is surrounded by a host of other 
psychologists and by a multitude of Christian leaders who preach self-love, 
self-worth, and self-esteem. While Dobson does not totally agree with all 
self-esteemers, he is in concert with many. One is Charles Swindoll, whom 
he quotes on certain theological issues.

"EGO NEEDS" ACCEPTED

To list the ministries and preachers who repeat the theme of self-esteem 
would consist of a "Who's Who" of "big names" in the evangelical world as 
well as a multitude of pastors who guide their flocks to this polluted 
stream. With them, the so-called need for self-esteem is no longer a 
question. It is an assumption, eating away at the very pillars of the 
church.

Dobson places a heavy emphasis on so-called needs, especially those of 
women and children. He stresses "unmet needs" and "emotional needs" of 
women. He believes that "ego needs" motivate more daily behavior than 
anything else.

He sees personal worthiness as one of those central needs, so central that 
he says, "...the human mind constantly searches and gropes for evidence of 
its own worthiness." Thus, instead of discouraging such self-seeking, 
Dobson encourages women and children to believe in their own worthiness.

Dobson parrots the secular faith in meeting needs. He quotes William 
Glasser as saying, "At all times in our lives we must have at least one 
person who cares about us and whom we care for ourselves. If we do not have 
this essential person, we will not be able to fulfill our basic needs."

This is, of course, not the Gospel Jesus preached. This is a secular gospel 
of meeting emotional needs, not a biblical Gospel. The focus is on me and 
my needs, not on God and His love and my love for Him and others.

PRIME NEEDS

Dobson also follows the humanistic psychologists when he differentiates 
between how women and men meet their so- called needs for self-worth. He 
says that "men derive self- esteem by being respected; women feel worthy 
when they are loved. In fact, Dobson is so certain about the importance of 
meeting so-called needs for self-esteem that he declares:

"If I had the power to communicate only one message to every family in 
America, I would specify the importance of romantic love to every aspect of 
feminine existence. It provides the foundation for a woman's self-esteem, 
her joy in loving, and her sexual responsiveness."

According to Dobson, self-esteem is fragile and easily damaged. He says:

"Every age poses its own unique threats to self-esteem ... little children 
typically suffer a severe loss of status during the tender years of  
childhood. Likewise, most adults are still attempting to cope with the 
inferiority experienced in earlier times."

Contrary to what Dobson says, research indicates that children are skillful 
at maintaining strong self-esteem from a very early age. In fact, they seem 
to be born with it. Even under the most adverse circumstances, children 
will value themselves and even build positive illusions to protect 
themselves from feelings of inferiority.

After examining the research on self-perception, Dr. Shelley Taylor, a 
professor of psychology at UCLA, wrote the book Positive Illusions: 
Creative Self-Deception and the Healthy Mind. She says:

"Before the exigencies of the world impinge upon the child's self-concept, 
the child is his or her own hero. With few exceptions, most children think 
very well of themselves. They believe they are capable at many tasks and 
abilities, including those they have never tried.

"They see themselves as popular. Most kindergartners and first-graders say 
they are at or near the top of the class. They have great expectations for 
their future success. Moreover, these grandiose assessments are quite 
unresponsive to negative feedback, at least until approximately age seven."

Though slightly dampened with reality, positive self-regard continues into 
adulthood. Here are some of the results of Taylor's investigations:

"Most adults hold very positive views of themselves. When asked to describe 
themselves, most people mention many positive qualities and few, if any, 
negative ones. Even when people acknowledge that they have faults, they 
tend to down-play those weaknesses as unimportant or dismiss them as 
inconsequential. ... Thus, far from being balanced between positive and 
negative conceptions, the image that most people hold of themselves is 
heavily weighted in a positive direction.

"Most people, for example, see themselves as better than others and as 
above average on most of their qualities. When asked to describe themselves 
and other people, most people provide more positive descriptions of 
themselves than they do of friends. Most people even believe that they 
drive better than others. For example, in one survey, 90 percent of 
automobile drivers considered themselves to be better than average 
drivers."

INFERIORITY TO BLAME

But while the research seems to indicate [and the Bible teaches] that both 
children and adults tend to esteem themselves more highly than they ought, 
Dobson believes just the opposite. He fully believes that feelings of 
inferiority and self-hatred run rampant through society. Here is his 
emotional appeal to parents to protect their children from the terrible 
"agony of inferiority":

"Thus, if inadequacy and inferiority are so universally prevalent at all 
ages of life at this time, we must ask ourselves, `Why?' Why can't our  
children grow up accepting themselves as they are? Why do so many feel 
unloved and unlovable? Why are our homes and schools more likely to produce 
despair and self-hatred than quiet confidence and respect?

Why should each child have to bump his head on the same old rock? These 
questions are of major significance to every parent who would shield his 
child from the agony of inferiority."

When Dobson refers to the "agony of inferiority," he is not speaking of 
actual inferiority, but rather the experience and feelings of inferiority 
or low self-esteem. He believes that such feelings are excruciating. He 
further contends that "the most dominant force" which motivates people is 
avoidance of that pain. He says:

"You see, damage to the ego (loss of self- worth) actually equals or 
exceeds the pain of physical discomfort in intensity ... So painful is its 
effect that our entire emotional apparatus is designed to protect us from 
its oppression. In other words, a sizable proportion of all human activity 
is devoted to the task of shielding us from the inner pain of inferiority. 
I believe this to be the most dominant force in life, even exceeding the 
power of sex and its influence."

"HIDE OR SEEK"

Dobson is among the "almost all psychologists" who "have come to take for 
granted" those "fundamental assumptions about motivation." Therefore Dobson 
blames low self-esteem for causing all kinds of problems and touts high 
self-esteem as an absolute necessity for survival. Thus raising children's 
self-esteem appears to be the motive behind all of his advice in Hide or 
Seek.

While some of Dobson's strategies and suggestions line up with biblical 
principles of child-rearing, the motives and goals differ. While the Bible 
tells us to love, value and esteem our children, it does not tell us to 
raise their self-esteem. We are to love, value, esteem, and instruct our 
children so that they will grow up in the nurture and admonition of the 
Lord, so that they might become His loving children and His obedient 
servants. The self-esteem motive and goal are man-centered, while the 
biblical motive and goal are Christ-centered.

Like his humanistic counterparts, Dobson gives methods for boosting self-
esteem. In Hide or Seek, which is based on the premise that self-esteem is 
a crucial need of every person, he has a section entitled "Strategies for 
Self-esteem," in which he suggests "ways to teach a child of his genuine 
significance."

In this section he stresses the method of developing self-esteem through 
achievement. He does this in an attempt to counteract negative responses 
from others which may be based on damaging evaluations of such things as 
beauty or intelligence.

Dobson stresses achievement as the road to self-esteem and suggests ways 
for parents to help their children "compensate." On the surface, such a  
strategy sounds admirable. But what might parents be communicating? Would 
children then learn that they can feel good about themselves if they are 
better than others? And should Christians base human worth on achievements 
and success according to the world's standards?

Compensation is the attempt to make up for a deficiency. A person may thus 
compensate for his inabilities in one area by achieving in another area. 
Dobson even attributes power for success to what he calls "the need to 
compensate." He says:

"The power behind these and other kinds of success almost invariably 
springs from the need for self-worth--the need to prove something about 
one's adequacy--the need to compensate!"

He declares: "Succinctly stated, compensation is your child's best weapon 
against inferiority." However, the very idea of compensation implies that 
we will feel better about ourselves if we are in some way better than 
others.

Rather than emphasizing biblical standards and behavior, compensation 
emphasizes comparing ourselves with each other, which the Bible calls 
unwise (2 Cor. 10:12). Furthermore, such compensation may lead to 
competitiveness which nurtures pride rather than love for others.

In his book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Woman, he declares 
the following:

"Feelings of self-worth and acceptance, which provide the cornerstone of a 
healthy personality, can be obtained from only one source ... Self-esteem 
is only generated by what we see reflected about ourselves in the eyes of 
other people. It is only when others respect us that we respect ourselves. 
It is only when others love us that we love ourselves. It is only when 
others find us pleasant and desirable and worthy that we come to terms with 
our own egos."

[O Timothy Editor: A spiritually healthy respect for oneself must come from 
a right relationship with Jesus Christ, and it is NOT dependent upon one's 
relationship with other men. This is a gross error. Man's great need is not 
for self-esteem, but for God-esteem.]

LOVING THE PRAISE OF MEN?

In response to this statement, Dr. Robert Smith says: "In John 12:43 is 
Christ's criticism of people who loved the praise of men more than the 
praise of God. Self-esteem philosophy teaches us that we must have the 
praise of men before we can function properly."

One of Dobson's primary purposes of writing Preparing for Adolescence was 
to help teenagers deal with feelings of self-doubt, inferiority, and low 
self-esteem. He declares that the adolescent years are "the most stressful 
and threatening time of life" with "scary physical changes," "sexual 
anxieties," "self-doubt and feelings of inferiority," which at times seem 
"unbearable." His first chapter is "The Secret of Self-esteem." Dobson  
dramatically describes the "Agony of Inferiority" or the "feeling of 
hopelessness that we call `inferiority'." He says:

"It's that awful awareness that nobody likes you, that you're not as good 
as other people, that you're a failure, a loser, a personal disaster; that 
you're ugly, or unintelligent, or don't have as much ability as someone 
else. It's that depressing feeling of worthlessness."

Dobson bemoans, "What a shame that most teenagers decide they are without 
much human worth when they're between thirteen and fifteen years of age. We 
all have human worth, yet so many young people conclude that they're 
somehow different--that they're truly inferior--that they lack the 
necessary ingredients for dignity and worth."

Here again, in Preparing for Adolescence, Dobson offers a number of 
suggestions to deal with inferiority feelings, one of which is 
compensation, as in Hide or Seek. He also suggests making friends. The 
purpose of friendship here seems to be that "nothing helps your self-
confidence more than genuine friends." Why? Because, he reasons, "If you 
know that other people are like you it's much easier to accept yourself."

Dobson devised a short check-list called "Sources of Depression among 
Women." Of course, the top-ranking reason was "low self-esteem." According 
to Dobson, low self-esteem causes not only depression. He says, "Lack of 
self-esteem produces more symptoms of psychiatric disorders than any other 
factor yet identified."

Furthermore, he contends that low self-esteem leads to denial of reality 
which leads to both alcoholism and psychotic experience. Since he believes 
that women are suffering from an epidemic of low self-esteem, Dobson 
valiantly declares:

"If I could write a prescription for the women of the world, it would 
provide each one of them with a healthy dose of self-esteem and personal 
worth (taken three times a day until the symptoms disappear.) I have no 
doubt that this is their greatest need."

Is self-esteem a woman's greatest need? Then why is it absent from the 
Bible? Why didn't Jesus meet this greatest need of women? The essence of 
Christianity is "Christ in you, the hope of glory," not self-improvement or 
gaining self-esteem. It is giving, sharing, caring, loving, turning the 
other cheek, going the second mile, and obeying God's commandments because 
of Christ--because of what He has done and is doing in the life of the 
believer. 

[O Timothy Editor: The greatest need of the people of the world, whether 
they be men or women or teenagers, is to be born again, to be saved. We are 
convinced that Dobson preaches a false gospel of psychology.]

SELF-ADVANTAGE

For Dobson, things get reversed. Even if he does not intend it, the focus 
always slips back to the advantage for the self. He says:  

"When the family conforms to God's blueprint,then self-esteem is available 
for everyone-which satisfies romantic aspirations--which abolishes 
loneliness, isolation, and boredom--which contributes to sexual 
fulfillment--which binds the marriage together in fidelity--which provides 
security for children--which gives parents a sense of purpose--which 
contributes to self-esteem once more."

Thus self-esteem becomes the reason to obey God. The goal of obedience 
becomes subtly swerved from a desire to please God to a desire to gain 
personal advantages. But if love and obedience to God are for personal 
(selfish), pragmatic reasons, rather than for biblical reasons, what 
happens when romantic aspirations are not satisfied, and isolation is 
increased, and there is no sexual fulfillment as a direct result of 
obedience to Christ? Such a promise for self-esteem and personal 
fulfillment could not have kept the churches alive throughout centuries of 
persecution.