[Following first appeared as "Conspiracy for the Day"]
[From Pacifica Radio]
ANNOUNCER:  ...in the spirit  of Halloween, political commentator
Jim Hightower says what really  scares  him  are  the  terrifying
policies backed by the ghouls on Capitol Hill.
HIGHTOWER:   It's  Halloween.   [chilling  laugh]  The  night the
tormented souls roam the  land.   Demons  ascend from the boiling
depths of Hades.   Grotesque  goblins  shriek  in  the  darkness.
Animals  talk in human tongues and unspeakable monsters stalk our
Trick or treat?  [maniacal laughter]
The horrors of this  Halloween  are  not  in the little, costumed
tricksters who will knock at your doors after sunset, but in  the
*real* scaries; the things that really *do* go bump in the night:
Like  the  hundreds of vampire lobbyists for insurance companies,
drug makers, and  doctors  who  are  *creepily crawling* over the
health reform bill in Washington -- each one trying to sink fangs
into the neck of the bill and draw out the lifeblood of reform.
[ghastly moan]
Or the ghosts of American corporations, like  Nike,  which  takes
billions  out  of  our  economy,  yet  has  no factories here, no
manufacturing jobs, and no  presence except Michael Jordan flying
through the air.  But wait!  Now he's gone too.
Then there's that witches brew of toxics in our soil  and  water,
homes  and  food.  Double-double, toil and trouble, fire burn and
cauldron bubble!  Chemical stews of dioxins, lead, PCBs, benzine,
chlordaine -- you name  it.   Yet  of  the  620 pesticides on the
market, government regulators have thoroughly tested only 19.
It's a frightening scene at our  national  door  this  Halloween.
First  come  those  ghoulish economists and other humbug-ologists
chanting that America is enjoying an economic recovery.  Yet each
and every workday  another  2300  people  are  handed pink slips,
joining the line of  millions  of  Americans  trudging  down  the
economic ladder from the middle-class to the "barely hanging on"-
And look!  Stealing through the shadows, stalking every home, and
*still* demanding payment is that ancient, bone-chilling skeleton
from  one  of Washington's darkest closets:  the multi-billionist
dollar savings and loan bailout.  [piercing scream]
And spooks?  Right there on our porch are hundreds, nay thousands
of spooks from the CIA!   Despite  the  end  of the Cold War, the
fall of the Berlin Wall, and the general call for all  spooks  to
come  in  from  the  cold,  President Clinton's CIA budget is not
going down but up.  Up!  The  spook  agency now wants to become a
spying operation for U.S. corporations.
[eerie sound]
So go ahead.  Answer your door and face the demons.   Here  comes
Frank Lorenzo, the gruesome airline wrecker from Halloweens past,
now  trying to get his hands on yet another airline.  And there's
the  junk  bond  finagler,  Michael  Milken,  who's  now teaching
"creative finance" at UCLA.  And who's this?  Why  it's  the  new
Republican  leadership  team  in  Washington:   Bob Dole and "the
Knute" -- Newt Gingrich.
This is Jim Hightower saying, "Now that's *really* scary."