1. Is there any evidence that a thermonuclear device exploded over
Hiroshima in 1945?

No, absolutely none. According to leading historians and physicists, 
the thermonuclear bomb was not invented until years after the supposed 
detonation over Japanese territory.

2. Is there any evidence that a uranium-based "atom bomb" was ever dropped
onto Nagasaki, Japan?

Absolutely not. While many historians and journalists made this claim
in the late 40's and early 50's, everyone now agrees that no such
bomb ever exploded over Nagasaki. Yet there are some who still stubbornly
cling to this supposed "fact."

3. What are the materials needed to make an "atom bomb?"

Uranium-238 and plutonium-239. 

4. Aren't these materials radioactive?

Highly so. Anybody who attempts to use these materials is endangering
his/her life.

5. Is it likely that nuclear scientists in the 40's would be
handling uranium and plutonium?

This would be highly unlikely. Very few people felt so threatened
by the Japanese to be willing to risk their lives on a theoretical
chance of a superbomb that could end a far-away war a little sooner.

6. Aren't there witnesses to the atomic bomb in Hiroshima?

The only "witnesses" that could possibly survived this supposed
explosion would have been blinded by the intense flash of light,
so their testimony is quite unreliable and contradictory.

7. According to conventional historians, was the uranium bomb tested 
before supposedly being dropped over Hiroshima?

No. There was no testing whatsoever of a uranium bomb in Alamogordo
or anywhere else before Hiroshima.

8. Isn't that strange?

Yes. Typical weapons are tested for months and years before deployment;
there is no other weapon that according to the accepted "facts" deployed
before any testing whatsoever.

9. How many witnesses are there for all of the atomic tests allegedly
occuring during the fifties and sixties?

Very few, perhaps a few hundred, who claimed to have seen them.

10. What did the General Advisory Committee of the Atomic Energy
Commission say in their report of October 30, 1949?

They recommended strongly against the development of what they
called the "Super Bomb," which is simply a thermonuclear
bomb. They said that "A super bomb might become a weapon of

11. Isn't this four years after Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

Yes. Obviously development of nuclear weapons occurred well
after their supposed implementation in 1945. 

12. Is radioactivity dangerous?

Everything is radioactive to some extent. 

13. What was the triggering method of the bomb that supposedly
was dropped on Hiroshima?

According to the standard historical accounts, it used a gun-
assembly trigger.

14. Wasn't the gun-assembly method of triggering abandoned
in the design stage?

Yes; according to these same sources the gun method would not
work with uranium-derived plutonium-239 because some of the
plutonium-239 absorbs a neutron to become plutonium-240, which
undergoes spontaneous fission, all before supercriticality,
causing a premature and very small explosion that is unusable
for the very purpose that it was supposedly designed for!

15. How do conventional historians rectify these two "facts?"

They don't even attempt to. 

16. How many books have been written about the atomic bomb?

Many hundreds, as well as thousands of articles in magazines
and newspapers.

17. Why was Hiroshima "targeted," and not Tokyo?

Perhaps because no one had heard of Hiroshima, and no one knew anyone
from there. It would be far more difficult to claim that Tokyo was bombed
than Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In fact, most world maps from before "World
War Two" do not even mention these cities at all.

18. How does Japan benefit from the "atom bomb" story?

As a direct result of the "war," Japan has received billions of dollars
worth of US aid for its defense. Japan has essentially no defense
budget, so it can pour resources through MITI into defeating the US
economically, all while playing on the emotions of anti-"nuke" activists
about the "horrors" of nuclear weapons.

19. Wow, I never thought of that. How else do the Japanese
benefit from this story?

The Japanese now own major Hollywood studios, from which many war
movies are produced. Also, they play upon our sympathy for the
supposed "atom bomb" to blind us to the fact that this foreign
nation had taken over our semiconductor industry, many California
banks and practically the entire state of Hawaii. 

This is all a part of the Japanese plot to take over the world.
According to the "Protocols of the Elders of the Orient," this
is a Japanese conspiracy all foretold by their ancient texts
that very few Anglo-Saxons have the ability to read.

19. How many people are supposed to have died in the explosions?

It is hard to say. Some sources say 60,000 in Hiroshima, others say
140,000. No attempt has been made to rectify the various numbers.

20. How many people die annually from car accidents in the US?

Over 50,000.

21. So, what makes Hiroshima so special?

Nothing, especially given the contradictory evidence about it.

22. Boy, I'm mad. What should I do about this?

Glad you asked. First, send me lots of money so we can spread this
message far and wide. Maybe we'll take out ads in college newspapers
or something. 

Second, direct your anger at the Japanese. We are the victims, and
they are the aggressors. Make yourself feel important again by bashing
Japan at every opportunity. Japanese people are inherently evil, and
basically subhuman. They were never bombed, and if they would have been
they would have deserved it. Who do they think they are, anyway?

Yes, we Revisionists have all the answers. Life is a lot simpler than 
you thought it was. Join us, and you won't have to be bothered anymore
by any feelings of guilt for your inherent hatred. We can justify it!
Oh, it's not the Japanese you hate, but the crippled? Hey - so do we!
It's easy: we don't like feeling uncomfortable around people in wheelchairs,
either! Who do they think they are, taking all the good parking spaces
when they were stupid enough to slip on a banana peel? IT'S A 
CONSPIRACY! --See how easy it is to start? Now, just mix in a few
real facts, and start converting all of the otherwise messed-up
people to OUR CAUSE!

23. Wow! You mean that I could write stuff like this, too?

Sure! It's embarrasingly easy to write what we wrote above. In fact,
it's even superior to the usual anti-Semitic revisionist garbage,
because it has a higher percentage of REAL FACTS! Most of the 
apparent "contradictions" above come from the facts that Nagasaki
was bombed by a plutonium bomb, not uranium; and that hydrogen
bombs are thermonuclear, not atomic bombs. Just juggle information
about the different types of bombs and mix them up so they seem to
be contradicting each other. It doesn't take ANY INTELLIGENCE
WHATSOEVER, and you can get lots of free air time on "48 Hours"!

Oh, I forgot to mention: I have a Japanese girlfriend who agrees
with EVERY WORD I've written above. Here she is:

"Yes, I am his Japanese girlfriend. I love him very much, and I've
always been troubled by my Japanese friends claiming to know people
who died in Hiroshima."

There you have it! Just throw some unverifiable opinions on top
of ridiculous proofs to STRENGTHEN YOUR CASE! 

24. Couldn't I be arrested for this?

No! This country is founded on FREE SPEECH! But, just make sure
that you mention how much you are being persecuted for saying
your version of history. (More than three email messages a day
qualify for being called harrassment. Five may merit a lawsuit.)

25. Where can I get more information?

Go to a library. Take a book at random. Skim it. Then, decide how
that book is either for you or against you. If it is for you, quote
liberally and out of context. If against you, do the same. 


Alan Lustiger	INTERNET:lustiger@att.com  	UUCP:att!pruxp!alu	
                ATTMAIL:!alustiger	 	CIS:72657,366

Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.