Mind Fuckers and a Mind Fuck,
Brain Strangle, and the voices
Submitted by Tony M - 10-22-06
To the Reader
The following depicts my experiences with voices of what most in the medical community consider psychosis and my argument of something that exists beyond their medical definition.
Let me start by addressing the skeptic. STOP reading now.
There is no sense in making an argument that cannot be substantiated with physical evidence. If you are curious and believe this document that of a sane man then I would politely encourage you to continue reading.
The facts are testimony of my own experience and simple understanding of what should have been “standard or regular” psychosis and what resulted in my experienced beyond the traditional psychosis experience. Why did it not stop as suggested by the medical community? Why is it that I have the ability to forward this experience? Was a simple suggestion to listen to the content of the message of the voices, a recommendation I found on the internet, for those who deal with voices, the way I uncovered an agenda of…. Of what.. .of who… of a religious practice?!?! - I do not know yet but I am certain that the agenda is easily covered by the bold fact that the voices know that the word of an addict would not be given any credibility and the that the truth of the message was conveyed in such dramatic form that to restate would leave the professional with standard diagnosis – the addict is nuts.
Let’s look at the voices.
The simple argument. If one had the ability to speak telepathically (or perhaps explained technology) to those recovering from an addiction then to position themselves to the addict as the greater power and guidence they lack in their lives then the addict would listen with extreme attention – the beginning of mind control. To then institute a religious practice (Not of God as we recognize him), as a result of the addicts wrong doing the addict would subject and succumb to the instruction of the voices. (2nd step in mind control and the dead stare) Beginning with admitting their wrong doings then acting upon strongly suggested circumstances they would admit to themselves they were something else – step 2 in series of mind control.
With the less wholesome business practices. (Pornography and the Internet) This would propose the idea that both illegal acts and those with this ability to communicate were in league with the business people of the less then preferred. – The Criminal and the Less then Professional.
whether the telepathic ability was the result of a pursued spiritual experience or inherent ability is not known,
I found the primary objective to be that to remove the addict from their home in the order of either their Life, Wife and Family or in my case my Wife, Life and Family. This as a result of breakdown in the addict’s ability to cope with the emotional stress of mind control and the telepathic experience (voices).
I will continue to make this argument simply because of the way they (The Mind Fuckers) present themselves delivering business agenda relying on the fact that the only method of action is to convey what is the truth to them to a professional who would be less then objective in realizing the afformentioned threat.
To the open mind capable of accepting words such as
Telepathy (from the Greek ????, tele, "distant"; and ??????, patheia, "feeling") is the claimed ability of humans and other creatures to communicate information from one mind to another, without the use of extra tools such as speech or body language. Considered a form of extra-sensory perception or anomalous cognition, telepathy is often connected to various paranormal phenomena such as precognition, clairvoyance and empathy.
While there have been numerous scientific experiments into telepathy over the years, no positive result has ever resisted scrutiny. Positive results have always been demonstrated to be the result of flawed methodology, statistically erroneous conclusions, or could simply not be replicated by independent researchers [citation needed].
The majority of the scientific community believes that claims of phenomena associated with telepathy constitute pseudoscience.
Psychokinesis (< Greek ????- + ???????, literally "mind-movement") or PK, also known as telekinesis[1] (< Greek ???? + ???????, literally "distant-movement") or TK, is defined according to the Online Medical Dictionary[2], published by the Department of Oncology, University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, as the following (used with permission): "the influence of mind upon matter, as the use of mental 'power' to move or distort an object." Psychokinesis may also be described by other names, such as remote influencing, distant influencing, remote mental influence, distant mental influence, directed conscious intention, or The Force. Both terms are defined in the Oxford University-published A Dictionary of Psychology, but with the cautionary tagline on each: "a conjectural paranormal phenomenon."[3]
psychokinesis (PK)
Psychokinesis is the process of moving or otherwise affecting physical objects by the mind only, without making any physical contact.
For example, Uri Geller claims he can bend keys and spoons, and stop watches with his thoughts. Others claim to be able to make pencils roll across a table by a mere act of will.
The variety of magic tricks used to demonstrate psychokinetic powers is impressive.
Scientists have been investigating PK since the mid-19th century but with little success at demonstrating that anyone can move even a feather without trickery involving something as simple and obvious as blowing on objects to move them.
While there are countless minimally plausible anecdotes regarding ESP stars, there are very few who claim to be PK superstars. Uri Geller is one. Another is Ted Owens (1920-1987), who found his Boswell in parapsychologist Jeffrey Mishlove. The PK Man is Mishlove's account of Owens as a man with extraordinary paranormal powers, a man many others would call delusional and in need of professional mental health services. Mishlove acknowledges Owens's 'difficult personality' but he doesn't dismiss him because "we have much to learn about the interface between mental illness and the paranormal" (Mishlove 2000: 87). What should we make of a man who shows up at a scientific conference pulling a child's red wagon full of newspaper clippings about his psychic exploits, declares himself "the supreme Earth ambassador of UFO intelligences," and falsely claims to have provided "hundreds of demonstrations" of his PK powers to scientists? Mishlove claims he was there in 1976 when Owens did just that as an invited speaker at a conference put on by the Institute for Parascience in London, England (Mishlove 2000: 18).
OK, at this point I will politely assume that you are familiar now with these terms and will pose these questions:
Who was it that researched and documented these terms to a level of accepted truth that they were placed in today’s dictionaries?
Who were the first to have experienced them and how were they presented to those who researched and placed them as areas of study?
Now the big questions:
Do you know how to find anyone who possesses these powers?
Have you ever experienced any of these possible influences and more importantly could you identify when you were subject?
Now a touch of fear.
Who would govern the use of these abilities and their influence on the everyday individual?
How could they introduce their influencial powers to a person in a way that although fantastic but accepted?
What is their agenda if their offensive is delivered upon the masses?
How could anyone….anyone THINK they had any opportunity to maneauver in thought to avoid , evade or thwart their agenda?
A Mind Fuck
A mind fuck is the final statement delivered from the voices at the end of verbal assaults. The verbal assault is a challenge between what I believed to be true and the opposition of the voices –“That’s a mind fuck Tony”. Challenges progressed from my character, religion, my manlihood until I uncovered a ploy. The voices were delivered day and night continuously without break. There was no rest knowing and anticipating another “mind fuck”. The medical community would accept psychosis, I have this document as polite argument.
My vice is alcoholism. In recovery there are some real physical and mental attributes associated with detoxification that must be recognized. It is this period when an individual experiences psychosis or voices. The question I had was when should they subside and what effect should the medications I was taking have on my symptoms?
This led me to study more the actual effects as well as the detoxification process – When should my body be cleansed of these toxins and when should psychosis cease?
Some interesting facts – Google search offered the following
- Alcohol-Related Psychosis
Last Updated: March 30, 2006
Background: Alcohol-related psychosis is
a secondary psychosis with predominant hallucinations occurring in many alcohol-related conditions, including acute intoxication, withdrawal, after a major decrease in alcohol consumption, and alcohol idiosyncratic intoxication. Alcohol is a neurotoxin that affects the brain in a complex manner through prolonged exposure and repeated withdrawal, resulting in significant morbidity and mortality. Alcohol-related psychosis is often an indication of chronic alcoholism; thus, it is associated with medical, neurological, and psychosocial complications.
Alcohol-related psychosis spontaneously clears with discontinuation of alcohol use and may resume during repeated alcohol exposure. Although distinguishing alcohol-related psychosis from schizophrenia through clinical presentation often is difficult, it is generally accepted that alcohol-related psychosis remits with abstinence, unlike schizophrenia. If persistent psychosis develops, diagnostic confusion can result. Comorbid psychotic disorders, eg, schizophrenia and bipolar affective disorder, may exist, resulting in the psychosis being attributed to the wrong etiology.
Alcohol idiosyncratic intoxication is an unusual condition that occurs when a small amount of alcohol produces intoxication that results in aggression, impaired consciousness, prolonged sleep, transient hallucinations, illusions, and delusions. These episodes occur rapidly, can last from only a few minutes to hours, and are followed by amnesia. Alcohol idiosyncratic intoxication often occurs in elderly persons and those with impaired impulse control.
Unlike alcoholism, alcohol-related psychosis lacks the in-depth research needed to understand its pathophysiology, demographics, characteristics, and treatment. This article will attempt to provide as much possible information for adequate knowledge of alcohol-related psychosis and the most up-to-date treatment.
Pathophysiology: Alcohol-related psychosis most likely relates to dopamine in the limbic and possibly other systems. The dopamine hypothesis often is applied to psychosis involving excessive activity of the dopaminergic system. Animal studies have shown dopaminergic activity to increase with increased release of dopamine when alcohol is administered. On the other hand, alcohol withdrawal generates a decrease in the firing of dopaminergic neurons in the ventral tegmental area and a decrease in release of dopamine from the neuron.
The pathophysiological systems of intoxication, withdrawal, and alcohol idiosyncratic intoxication all are different, and their relationships to psychosis are unclear. To some degree, they all involve the neurotoxicity of alcohol with resultant neurological, genetic, biochemical, and physiological pathology.
Alcohol intoxication results in disinhibition, sedation, and anesthesia. Acute depression of the cerebral cortex and reticular activating system results. The pathophysiology of alcoholism involves alterations in short-term membrane regulation and long-term effects on gene _expression.
In patients who are dependent on alcohol, alcohol withdrawal results in adrenergic hypersensitivity of the limbic system and brainstem. Thiamine deficiency also is a contributing factor and is known to be associated with more severe episodes of withdrawal psychosis, which may present as a delirious state known as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS). Psychosis is not considered a symptom in uncomplicated alcohol withdrawal in patients who are not dependent on alcohol. The psychosis often is self-limited and recurs with subsequent withdrawals.
Frequency:
- In the US:
Roughly 3% of persons with alcoholism experience psychosis during acute intoxication or withdrawal. Approximately 10% of patients who are dependent on alcohol who are in withdrawal experience severe withdrawal symptomatology, including psychosis. Twins studies have shown concordance rates for alcohol-related psychosis to be 17.3% in monozygotic twins and 4.8% in dizygotic twins.
- Internationally:
In as much as 50% of Japanese, Chinese, and Korean populations, the likelihood of alcohol-related disorders occurring is less because of the absence of aldehyde dehydrogenase. This causes an Antabuse-type reaction involving facial flushing and palpitations.
Mortality/Morbidity:
The appearance of alcohol-related psychosis occurs with long-term alcohol abuse; therefore, it is associated with the same morbidity and mortality of long-term alcoholism. Alcohol-related psychosis is a serious indicator of medical, neurological, and psychosocial complications, which hinder appropriate treatment and outcome. Prognosis with treatment is considered good, with only 10-20% of psychosis cases becoming chronic. Alcohol-related psychosis itself does not have specific morbidity or mortality; instead, it correlates with a cluster of risk factors that indicate higher morbidity and mortality in patients with alcoholism.
Psychiatric complications of alcohol-related psychosis include higher rates of depression and suicide. Also the potential for violence exists.
Alcohol-related psychosis may indicate undiagnosed schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders. The use of alcohol may potentiate or initiate psychosis through "kindling," a process where repetitive neurological insult results in greater _expression of the disease.
Some of the medical complications observed with alcohol-related psychosis include liver disease, pulmonary tuberculosis, diabetes mellitus, musculoskeletal injury, hypertension, and cerebrovascular disease.
- With intoxication, mortality is associated with the level of alcohol in the blood. A blood alcohol level (BAL) greater than 0.30 can result in death.
- In withdrawal, auditory hallucinations can be indicative of early-stage withdrawal (6-24 h), the stage associated with withdrawal seizures. Symptoms of visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations are indicative of late-stage withdrawal (36-72 h), the stage associated with delirium tremens (DT) and a mortality rate of 5-15%.
- Neurological abnormalities clear in 20% of patients with WKS who receive treatment with thiamine and who abstain from consuming alcohol.
Race: Cultural influences on alcohol-related psychosis stem from cultural norms about alcohol. Irish males who traditionally drink to the point of intoxication are at higher risk, while Jewish males who traditionally shun intoxication have lower risks. Considering the relationship of thiamine to WKS, cultures that have a low intake of thiamine and high rates of alcohol abuse also are at higher risk for the complication of WKS.
Sex: Alcohol abuse and dependency has a male-to-female ratio of 5:1. Females develop alcohol-related disorders later in life because they start heavy use later then males.
Age: Alcohol-related psychosis occurs after extended periods of alcohol abuse that result in an alteration of neuronal membranes, genetic _expression, and thiamine deficiency. Early-onset alcoholism results in a greater chance of complications earlier in life and an outcome that is influenced by psychosocial function. Late-onset alcoholism only delays the onset of complications. As a general rule, alcohol-related psychosis occurs more frequently in older populations. Most alcohol-related disorders occur in persons aged 35-40 years.
THIS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACT IN THIS EXCERPT:
- In withdrawal, auditory hallucinations can be indicative of early-stage withdrawal (6-24 h), the stage associated with withdrawal seizures. Symptoms of visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations are indicative of late-stage withdrawal (36-72 h), the stage associated with delirium tremens (DT) and a mortality rate of 5-15%.
Why is this most important? – Because my experiences extended far beyond hours, days, weeks but months with a marginal intake of alcohol after prolonged periods of abstinence.
I should not have been experiencing any psychosis!
Let me take a this opportunity to share a little more of where I am at and why I am writing this document. I am at a safe place in my experiences and in this document seek the cheapest form of therapy. The bottom line is that I believe that because of the normal process of detoxification I believe that I was hearing genuine voices with a devious intent.
Physical state – I am healthy man in late 30s. I don’t get to exercise much but keep a regular golf schedule. Walking the course is what I prefer to do and to keep my game in tune I occasionally walk two in one day. I have been very active in the past running 4 miles in the early morning but since recent moves and to get to an early starting job I have not had that opportunity.
Mental state – I feel very clear headed. I and my wife are working closely together to polish our marriage. She never left her confidence through these experiences and is always willing to let me share more of what I write today. It is those discussions that led me to create this document.
Religeon – My religion was challenged. The foundation for many early episodes. I am now going to church on a regular basis but have uncovered the fact that religion was not what brought on my issues. Recall that the Mind Fuckers are liars and have an evil agenda that can only dismiss all early charges against my own beliefs.
Family – I can smile with them now. We participate as normal family with my teenage daughter exercising all her adolescent rights, and 11 year old son still learning his ways through early sports but a willing participant. And a 3 year old son now growing into those youngster attitudes that I find quite enjoyable in toleration and parenting.
Work – Stable now after a few medical visits to remedy this issue. I need to touch on this because simply it is necessary in delivering any quality of life and contradicts the stereotype of the alcoholic. I enjoy success and pleasing my boss and that is very important to me.
So to sum up I feel ok recovering from a mental state I do not wish to revisit but cannot completely excuse as simple result of over drinking.
Now lets take a look at what is recognized as the outside appearance of someone experiencing psychosis. I can write this because I and my wife lived through my experience and I do not wish to have her relive the experience.. Her in aggravation, myself subject to the verbal assault of the voices.
I experienced psychosis 5 times. I was not told what I was to be experiencing but only asked by my physician “what are they saying.” On two occasions and once “Are they trying to kill you?”. Both of which I could not answer in simple yes and no.
Lets suggest for a moment that I uncovered a schematic and a plan in the voices. Bring the experience together and pursuit for help and one may find themselves led to the ultimate breakdown of household. Many may accept the unfortunate but usually expected end to the household of the alcoholic.
This may not actually be the case .”Imagine if you will” – the fact that each experience build to a different conclusion.
Voices
Behave much as in a lobby or hall – very much eye level and in front or around you
They speak to you in the voices of some you know and some you do not (a)
The tone of the voices are used to create a particular emotional response.
Outright Yelling - The obvious fears but for VERY long periods of time over anxiety.
Yell - condescending - to belittle or cause insecurity and doubt
Calm - To deliver message to very impressionable ears and usually after having been sold or told of personal defect.
Calm Female - In my case more appealing but same agenda
Youthful - Often to deliver a less then effective Mind Fuck that built strength
Some behave differently
Outside and inside a house but not all the same time
Male and Female
Loud condescending yell
Calm – Male and Female – as a matter of fact
Calm – Smart ass tone with sales like pitch
First – Voices began while intoxicated – continued blaspheme in all
The interesting part of this was the fact that the first ttwo
Lets suggest for a moment that I uncovered a schematic and a plan in the voices. Put the messages together and the reality of my pursuit for help would lead to the ultimate breakdown of my household. Many may jump to the unfortunate but usually expected end to the household of the alcoholic. This may not be the case for myself and perhaps others that hear voices.
In the medical community psychosis can be remedied. Several attempts to seek help builds a resume of mental issues. The medical community knows psychosis can be remedied through proper medication but because of this they do not give genuine attention to the content of the messages of the voices?
I started to put these pieces together.
Some more questions
If this was not a normal physical reaction then what was it !?
The voices I experienced did not hesitate to call themselves the Mind Fuckers. You do not know who they are or what they do but if you understand the medical definitions I have found then you MUST recognize that the voices represent an different intent to manipulate and conceal themselves hidden in recovery.
My agenda is to communicate this document to those who have heard voices to find out where they are in the agenda of the voices. Are they tortured in first scare tactic, did they begin to listen to content of the message, are they now challenged personally by what in that content, are they dealing with the resume of medical visits or placement in facility, or with the direct threats.
The Mind Fuckers are liars? This is what the voices have no problem admitting. But curiously enough if you can bring yourself back to reason you can identify it and remedy yourself of distress.
The power of suggestion is what the voices can deliver. If accepted then the physical attributes follow, thus not a lie. Anxiety and fear are real but conjured in the mind. But if you recognize this then all that is delivered the messages and a lie.
The big questions include how long has this treatment been the
place?
Have they actually listened to those who say they are hearing voices or ask THE questions that place an individual as ill?
Is the person who hears voices in a place where they can describe accurately what they are dealing with?
Are those that hear voices allowed the opportunity to work with others who say they have shared in the same experience?
The voices declared they would take my life, my wife and my family. The simple result of an alcoholic? – Perhaps not. Diagnostically speaking there is strong suggestion that could happen but if you recognize this is not just psychosis and someone is actually delivering on-going messages then threat becomes real but no further then continued voices.
A quick and unsubstantiated thought. If there were others who had obtained the ability to deliver voices to a person who was beyond the normal physical psychosis then it would be easy to continue the manipulation mimicking the symptoms. A mentally and physically exhausted mind with forced reception of the voices would leave a man
desperate to adhere to what they were being told to do. This is where someone would become a danger to themselves. In my own story and probably blessing in disguise I explained to my physician that I tried to kill myself with Cokes and cigarettes. He explained that would probably not work with a polite smile.
Voices 101
Voices have a way with embedding themselves in your day to day thought. What you might explain as a sudden thought that is not necessarily your own you quickly realize “Why did I think that!?”. This brings you back to yourself and you can pick up thought right where you left off. Recognize this.
When you are under the influence of, in my case alcohol, then you have a tendency to think a great deal. Imagination runs wild and you begin to formulate thoughts for what you have in front of you. It is often this reason that I enjoyed a drink so that I could dedicate more thought to what it was I was dealing with – enjoyment or work.
Introduce yourself to your own thoughts. Recognize your own voice as the one you hear when you read to yourself. Recognize the times you say “Why did I think that!?”.
I first recognized voices on what I would have called a regular weekend night. Not falling drunk but feeling the effects. I found myself telling jokes to a neighbor friend of mine. We were picking on each others appearance imagining what my thoughts would look like. I could not rest. I could not get any sleep or turn off the company I had in my head. I drank through the night while trying to lay beside my wife. She was not aware of my tossing and turning but I could not get any sleep.
I did not recognize this experience and that they were voices until later.
Here are a few examples:
The threat the voices intended to deliver.
To remove a man from his wife is what I uncovered as the first objective of the voices.
Then, what would voices want with my wife?
Then my family, my children?
The following describes my experiences and how I came to understand this intention.
Work – Stable now after a few medical visits to remedy this issue. I need to touch on this because simply it is necessary in delivering any quality of life and contradicts the stereotype of the alcoholic. I enjoy success and pleasing my boss and that is very important to me.
Lets first look at the reality of alcoholism and the characteristics of the alcoholic mind. Let’s also throw in what one may consider strengths and at the same time vulnerabilities. Add the component of the profound experience of hearing voices and you have a broken man.
Voices deliver messages in a manner that suck the mind and body of their energy.
Mental anguish delivered along with exhaustion as the result of days on end without sleep.
We can identify emotions that effect the body in things like chills, goose bumps, a warm smile and then there are some the create nothing but fear, anxiety, insecurity that humble a person. Voices effect your livelihood by expressing physical instruction, demands and results if you do not listen to them while at same time criticizing the fact that you can hear them. Voices challenge a persons very core and foundation that define who they are.
A mind fuck is the final statement delivered from the voices at the end of what I now call episodes. Episodes are received day and night, there is no rest knowing and anticipating a mind fuck.
The voices I experienced did not hesitate to call themselves the Mind Fuckers. You do not know who they are and you do not know what they do but if you understand what I have told you then you must recognize NOW that the voices represent an evil intent concealed in elaborate messages.
When someone recognizes they are hearing something in their head other then their own thoughts to themselves they might identify them as a voice.
When this secon
I am an alcoholic and I can admit that now.
I got to a point in sobriety where I needed to relive my past in a way that would allow me to avoid what is recognized as regrets.
But in this I had to realize an experience
An experience that I can only explain as voices
I will do my best to explain what “Voices” are
then define possibly as who they are and
then their intent.
My experience began under the influence of alcohol
A man ordinary in my own eyes
On any given day enjoying a cold beer
Could I admit I was an alcoholic then…. I guess I could.
Now there is something very interesting about the mind of alcoholic
Do you ever wonder
Do you ever think to yourself
Do you ever imagine
I did with a cold beer in hand and I didn’t mind thinking of beautiful things
I thought deep and often distracted from another’s conversation
A quick turn in late response was the standard and accepted in my house part of my normal day.
Now the unfortunate progression of alcoholism is the craving for more… insatiable thirst. Did I really want this much beer.
Was this a suggestion that lived in my imagination, thought, or pursuit of a good day.
Ultimately, I recognized the need to quit.
When someone says they hear voices
There are many occasions where I can remember thinking to myself
Innocent enough
Now
People think.
People think they think things through.
But
You may not be just hearing yourself.
On several occasions I can recall instances when..
I thought I was thinking to myself.
Sometimes good to think things through.
I thought to myself.
What is my conscience telling me?
Not whispers..
My conscience was very LOUD?
I am a drunk
I like my beer
I have lost my way on a drunk
I would rather be the outgoing type. The Sea… nature… water seemed most appealing.
I Try not to be aggressive on what I think during those times…
and always be polite
I am a Chrstian man
Childhood belief to perfected practice is what I aspire.
Clairvoyance… is a talent I asked for.
The cost is your privacy.
Chapter
On a cold early winter day
I sat outside my home. A duplex. Not much to consider for a home for 3 kids but mine.
As I began to work through a drunk. More than a six pack.
I saw a stampede of horses
…then with Elephants
Coming my way down my street
… towards me
I had been praying
Asking God to give me the strength and the power to identify and recognize what I was seeing.
I wanted to protect my family
I believe I did
As well as given the Recognition of what I saw
In this drunk I fell to a stupper
When I awoke
I began to pray
Recognizing who and what I am I placed thought into those I may have in company upon death.
Now, I have always had a soft spot for the ghosts in our world.
Maybe more like passion.
I felt that in a prayer.
To have them saved.
As I had come to know them.
Would my effort be appropriate
I Did
I prayed
And I Prayed
To save the souls that had not made it
To what I had understood to be the light
I asked my God
For excuse
Let them go to the light
Through my soul
I would vouch for them
My mistake was the number of souls
There may be too many for me.
Overwhelming
Now speaking for the souls
They want to go.
They want to see the creator.
They have some questions.
They want to know where they are at.
And how to leave.
Soldiers, People, Women and children…. How to continue.
These are the questions I took upon myself
Maybe this is not my domain.
God makes these decisions.
Invest in the living.
I drank more
I Prayed
I was challenged on a few fronts
All Moral
Ok… when one prays deeply
I do expect great things
I was taught not to expect from the Lord…..but I did.
What I felt was miraculous
I thought I was saving souls
Delivering them to the light
Through my soul
A pathway
This was open invitation to those I wanted to help.
To the light. ….
I heard them
… some funny
Some thankful
Some mad… in a mental health kinda way
I played music for them
I watched… as they passed through me
It was a gathering
I didn’t expect so many
Many voices
I need to recognize them all
No one louder then the other
But I need to keep them in que
To get to God
I want to be that conduit
Obligation now sets in
I need a brake.
Ok… they were in a hurry or simply left without option and found mine.
Do not ask to help these souls without knowing God completely.
My fault was recognizing them and trying.
This story is done.
And I compete!
There are too many voices. Those who are asking for help. I try to hear them. When I do this .. I am open… to those with genuine intent … and those who wish otherwise.
This is a very interesting problem/
It’s about time Clairvoyants listen.
The fury and anger of those who appose this talent….. are serious
Relentless in their pursuit to foil your effort.
.. round the clock
… keep a drunk up
This was not my prayer or agenda
I wanted to get drunk
to go to bed with a loving wife.
Before I had that opportunity to practice what I had in mind they exposed themselves
If you heard me… then we have something to share
Now comes my testimony of those who crucified me in my stay ability…
And I am still here.
I am still here only because I could draw practical sense from the messages that were being delivered to me.
I could die today….yet….. but…..
Chapter
The fields behind our duplex is where this started.
Not an ugly field. Just untailored with overgrown trees, shrubs and a gutter spillway extending from the front of the house. Past the spill in the back yard and 20 feet from the creek is where I stood.
I swear this is where I met them…. Or they met me.
Before I went out beyond my porch..
I asked…. For those who had not been able to get to see the Lord to please come forward.
Out of the kindness of my heart.
I heard many voices
I spoke to every one who said something to me.
I met just a lot of people.
Legions of soldiers, women and children and those who were unfortunate enough to have passed without completing journey.
Next to a tree.
I stood.
Praying for each.
Blessed that I could help them out.
But I did this for about 4 hours.
Now knowing the audience I welcomed everyone.
Chapter
I was born August 4th, 1967.
Son to Mr. Leopoldo Mancia Mayoral and his soon to be wife Carmen Maria Rendon. You know I never knew their anniversary.
An unexpected surprise after passionate mistake.
I grew up as a Catholic through the efforts of my Grandparents.
1st through 8th grade
Mom was not in a position to impress. Without my grandparents we would not have been there and my mom had nothing to spare for looks.
By then the man she divorced had 4 kids.
Me and my younger sisters
He spoke to us regularly….
About once every 2 years
I began to study my religion because it made sense
I prayed
For better
Going to Catholic School gave me the opportunity to establish religion.
After school youth groups and regular church helped to define these principals.
To this day I believe in Jesus Christ
But feel he may not believe in me
I was reborn on ……….which meant that I recognized Jesus Christ as my savior and Lord.
Sacrilege must be added to this picture
Mischeavous young men with no regard for the church.
Alter boy sacrilege.
My regular day at this Catholic school ended with I and my eldest sister going to the closest bus stop.
We waited about 30 min.
We rode about 45
Then picked up my other sisters.
To walk another 45 min
I was not the ideal Catholic but I tried to be big brother.
Corruption did not engage until my High School years.
Enough about me. This is my foundation.
Chapter
My best friend’s name is James.
James and I grew up together and ventured into many things that young hopefuls should not.
Women, theft, motorsports… and drinking.
If we had not done it, then we were trying to.
I share this to recognize…. Something.
James took the lives of 2 people.
What told him that it was ok… ok
… to drive after being that drunk!
I will never know.
I believe I can hear those voices…..Of those upset with his decision.
Suggestion… thoughts. They may not be your own.
Now….
Those that I try to appeal to in prayer…..
.. have my attention
May God in Heaven have mercy on his soul. I love him.
Chapter
The charge against me was being drunk.
To sober up was to experience not just the physical aspect
But to listen to my conscience
Or what I thought was conscience
Guilt and anxiety.
The truth of it was that I was hearing someone else
My first attempt at sobriety was to endure the voices.
Voices in my head who recognized I was a less then person.
Sounded like my own conscience letting me know that I ….
I did not deserve to be alive
I did not deserve my wife
I did not deserve my family
Over and over again!
Death..... pushed through these words..
Your Dead
Mind Fuck Tony
Lets pick up where I left off
I saw horses and elephants
Running towards me
I saw people that looked like warlocks.
Yes Warlocks
Coming through door ways
I got drunk again
Tried sobriety
The voices and the message did not change
I got drunk again
The messages remained.
I figured this was regular practice in sobriety. Suck it up and drive on!
But there was a flaw
You see ….
The messages became old…
.. repeat
As they put it
Challenged my religion and belief in God
Who I was praying to
And they said my God was not listening
Now how can you criticize my prayer and my God!
Mine!... or the one you recognize as God!
Then the death they preached
Mine
Day after day
I will Die
And I am still live
Ok, if I am still alive then there is no credibility to the day by day, hour by hour death threat.
So then!
I believe my talent is to know a person in few words or less.
Feel where they are at..
This is a business practice
Applied to my own thoughts…
I wanted to To get to know what I was thinking
These voices turned..
I found I needed to get to know the other
Or others…….
We have had the opportunity to speak
Back and forth
Discussing my death
And I am still here
Every day in my attempt to sober up………….
I heard these messages.
They are not conscience.
They are not for the better good.
They are killers.
